His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
