dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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