you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
