The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
