Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
