You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
