Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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