Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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