Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
