I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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