Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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