im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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