This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
