We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
