she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
