took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
