i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
