Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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