they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
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You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?