My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
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I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
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I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?