Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.