Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
