It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
