you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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