i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
