If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
