also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
