you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The beer is more important than you right now.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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