3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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