you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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