Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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