The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
