i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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