she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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