Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
