we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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