first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
