id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
