I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
