Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
