New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize