Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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