like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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