OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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