Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
