How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
