No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
