If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
