Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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