So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
