So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
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50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
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You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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