I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
