I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
