I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
