nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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