it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize