It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
