i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
