He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
