I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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