When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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