the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
