come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
not ubering you a puppy
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
