Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
