I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
