Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
