he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
